Can't Say I Miss Hell
by SpamLord
Summary: Damien gets kicked out of hell, and asks to stay with an old friend... My fic for Maggie. SLASH DAMIEN x PIP SOME CUSS WORDS FLUFF


Authors Notes

This is the fic I told Maggie I'd write for her. It's a Damien/Pip, and I don't know if I like it or not, but if you guys like it, that's fine:D

I used some lines from other fanfics in this, I'll post them at the end.

Disclaimer: James doesn't own South Park, because then it would be dedlol.  
Warnings: A few cuss words, slash (BOYS ARE KISSING), poor writing.

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Damn, it's cold out here. My dad is the biggest moron ever. Putting me up here, in the middle of winter. There's a big difference between the temperature in Hell and up here in Colorado. I shiver, and pull my leather jacket closer to my body. I'd better hurry up and get to his house, or I'll freeze out here. I straddled my motorcycle (a parting gift from Dad), and got back to the highway.

I don't know why I'm headed for him. I turned him into human fireworks for my own gain. My head tells me I need closure, and I decide to go with that for now. Wow. I sure am a pussy. No wonder I'm not wanted in Hell. A bright light glares into me, and I swerve. I hear the loud horn of a truck, as my heart beats quickly. I need to pay attention to the road…

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After a near-fatal drive (Almost got hit 3 times. Guess someone wanted me to end up here alive.), I show up at his house. I guess he saw me come up, cause I heard thumping coming down the stairs. As soon as I got up to the door, it opened to reveal Pip. He hadn't changed a bit. He was wearing maroon pyjamas, and the hat he always wore as a child. I guess you could describe him as… cute.

"Erm… Hi Pip," I say nervously. I can't believe I'm seeing him, after all these years. I have to restrain myself from hugging him.

"Oh, hello Damien," he says with that accent of his. His voice is a little deeper now though, and I can't resist anymore. I wrap my arms around him, and I feel him seize up.

"Pip… I'm sorry for what I did when we were little." I hear him sigh slightly. I pray to- well, I hope that it's a sigh of relief.

"Damien, I have to admit… It's absofuckinglutely freezing out here. Would it be a problem going inside?" I look at him, cursing like that. He's just the cutest little thing ever now. But I can't screw this up. Right now, I need somewhere to sleep.

"Sure… I've been out in this weather for a few hours now." I saw him open his mouth to ask why, but quickly say, "Not now. Let's get inside before my fingers fall off." He steps inside, and I follow him. I take off my boots, and set them carefully on the mat so they don't look out of place, and walk upstairs. He sits down on his computer chair, and motions to his bed. I slowly sit down, relishing the moment. It's unbelievably comforting, sitting down on a soft bed after being on a hard motorcycle for several hours.

"So, I guess you want to know why I'm here. I got exiled from Hell, for not being tough enough."

"By your gay father?" he giggled. Damn, he knew how to get away with things.

"Yeah. So, I was hoping I could stay with you for a while, since… You're the only friend I had. I know I was a jerk to you, using you to get popular… I understand if you'd rather not have me here." He looks at me, and I see a mix of fear and happiness in his eyes. "If it helps any, my satanic powers are gone…"

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt. My parents won't mind, they're pushovers like me." He mimicked pushing someone over with his hands, and I… laughed. Not the kind of evil, satanic laugh I always laugh. A happy laugh. Not something I do very often, so I coughed a bit afterwards.

"Um, I don't have a sleeping bag or anything for you. I don't really have any other friends, so I've never really needed it."

"That's fine Pip, I'll just sleep on the floor."

"You sure? My bed has plenty of room for both of us…"

"Well, if you insist…" My heart doesn't skip a beat, it stops. Me sleeping in the same bed as Pip? I try to push the dirty teenager thoughts out of my head, and ask quietly, "You don't mind that I don't have any pyjamas?"

"Oh noes! You might rape me!" he exclaimed in a high, joking voice, laughing. "It's fine with me." I glance at the clock, it's almost midnight. I always thought of Pip as an early to bed kind of person, but he didn't seem tired at all. "So, how's everything in South Park?"

"Oh man, you wouldn't believe some of the stuff that happened after you left…"

Sitting here, talking with Pip… Can't say I miss Hell.

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I woke up at about 4 in the afternoon, having stayed up till about 5 last night. Yeah, the Prince of Hell had a bedtime too. Shut up. Pip had already gotten up, he was fully clothed, and sitting at the computer. I took advantage of the fact that I wake up quietly to take a peek at the screen.

_And if you have to stretch it to get it in the hole, that might mean that it's too small…but don't worry, Squeaker. Yours is plenty big enough._

But I didn't get to see anymore, or so I thought. Pip noticed I was awake, and minimized the window, only to reveal more.

_"Do you... mind this?" Englehorn was asking, his lips brushing Jimmy's as the words came._

_"No," Jimmy replied, sliding his hands under Englehorn's arms, up to his back. He could feel the skin of the captain's back, layered with soft, invisible hair and the skin coarse under his palms and fingertips. Englehorn's face brightened considerably._

He noticed what it had revealed, and minimized everything.

"G-good afternoon Damien!" he exclaimed, with the voice of someone who had just done something they didn't want you to know about. I suppressed a grin, and pretended to be just waking up.

"Hey Pip" I yawned. I stepped out of the bed, and headed for the door. Damn was I hungry.

"Uh, Damien!" Pip yelled nervously, as I opened the door. He quickly jumped over, and closed it. "What do you think my parents will think when they see a boxer-clad guy coming out of my room?"

"Oh, sorry," I mumbled sheepishly. I went over the neatly folded clothes on Pip's dresser, and grabbed my pants and shirt. I slipped them on, even though they were wrinkly. I looked over at Pip, who was staring longingly at his computer. I felt bad for making him lose his place.

"You can get back to your buttons now," I said, resisting the urge to snort. As I walked out of the room, I heard a small gasp. As soon as I had left the house, I broke out in laughter.

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I returned near the end of the day, with some new clothes. All I had from hell were the clothes I left in, so I had to buy some new ones. I let myself in, and went up to Pip's room. He went white when I came in, and it was getting annoying.

"Pip, I really don't care if you read about boys having sex." He went from white to beet red in seconds.

"W-well it's m-more really, you know, read it f-for the stories…"

"Pip, you're gonna have to stop doing that. It's just unbearably adorable." What the fuck was that? My mouth seemed to move on its own… Saying what my heart felt.

"Damien? You okay?" he asked. I sighed, and knew it was pointless.

"Pip, since my mouth seems to be a retard that can't control itself, I guess there's not much use in lying."

"Oh. F-fancy that…" His voice quivered slightly. My demonic side took over a little.

"Pip, are you saying you have a crush on me?" I questioned, with the slightest hint of tease in my voice.

"Well, maybe…" Before he could get anything else out, I softly kissed him. Nothing else seemed to matter. For a moment, we were frozen together in time. I broke away, and kissed him on the forehead. I shed my clothes, and dived under the covers, as Pip walked over to his computer in shock…

_OH DEAR GOD HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT_

_He grins up at my flushed face, grabbing my ass, and I wonder where everyone else is. What if they walk in on him doing this…?_

"_Now. A few other things. Sometimes, to get it just right…you have to put it in the hole a few times. You'll be able to tell when it feels good…_

Yeah, I'm a pussy who loves my slash-reading boyfriend. I guess Hell is just gonna have to go on without me for a while.

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Hope you liked it! I used lines from Under My Bed by Bagatelle, and Fog and Stars by Rachel. If you want the links, email me, because I don't think you can post links on here.

Songs I listened to: (Even longer this time. MSN kept on distracting me. And yes, I write down a list of all the songs I listened to. :D)  
The Flame of Youth - DragonForce  
Soldiers of the Wasteland - DragonForce  
Above the Winter Moonlight - DragonForce  
Starfire - DragonForce  
Black Fire - DragonForce  
Revolution Deathsquad - DragonForce  
Body Breakdown - DragonForce  
Bite Me - Electric Six  
Improper Dancing - Electric Six  
Jimmy Carter - Electric Six  
Dance-a-Thon 2005 - Electric Six  
Danger! High Voltage - Electric Six  
Devil Nights - Electric Six  
Candy - Kosaka Riyu  
PARANOiA - Several mixes, several artists  
Waka Laka - Jenny Rom  
Gamelan de Couple - Tomosuke  
Cartoon Heroes - Barbie Young  
Tsugaru (Apple Mix) - Re-venge VS Desire  
D2R - Naoki  
B4U - Naoki  
Mr. Wonderful - SMILE.dk  
Butterfly (Regular and Upbeat) - SMILE.dk  
Sexy Planet - Crystal Aliens


End file.
